Ironic when you shout Martyr in your own game playing the sniper…manipulation and lies at the detriment to the one you are “helping” …pathetic…carry on with your games to make yourself feel special and to look like you are a good human…when we all know the truth…you are the root of all, lack of a better word, evil…that’s your MO.
I hope you don’t tire treading in the pond you dug and filled with the blood of the people u slayed and stepped on to reach that self imposed perch you sit on. Karma is a bitch and she’s coming for you.
Today was my last day at work…
The owner sold our building and it’s been a rough couple 2 tree weeks/months dismantling all I built for the last 5 years. It’s bitter sweet in the type of way that I firmly believe things happen for a reason. I was already looking to move on but my time table had been moved up. I’ve learned a lot from the moving industry down here in the wilds of FL…there are no regulations like there are in IL. I was able to spread my wings and think outside the box and grow something I was proud of. There were good times, great times, walking the line times and then there were times I wanted to run away and never go back to the madness. Work ethic and business practices down here are not what I was used to coming from IL. I had to learn different ways to make things work even though it’s the same industry. I learned a lot about myself & I’m not the same person I was when I started and that is a positive but also a negative too.
THE MK says I need reprogrammed lol.
I’m tired though, I’ve felt like in a lot of ways I’ve spent 5 years damage controlling and trying to make sure everyone was OK and on a good level at the expense of myself and my time. I do/will miss my guys that made it worth sticking around to make sure things kept running and we worked well as a team…some of them have already found places to land and are doing well! I will miss my hospitality/commercial projects and wearing 37 hats to keep the place going and the craziness that made my day “interesting”!
My car accident 6 months ago gave me perspective. I was working on making sure I was just as important as my job that I put my all into, even though it seemed my integrity was an island surround by the “not my problem” society. Trying to keep my bar raised at the level I deemed worthy was a challenge but I accepted that and feel succeeded for the most part. Im grateful to my partner in crime, Mary, she and I made a great team and overcame a lot of hurdles and I’m glad we’re friends and will be for years to come!
I thought I’d be more emotional about this today and maybe I will later when it sinks in that I’ll no longer take this path to work every day and I’ll no longer have the challenge of “hmm, what crazy idea can I do next here”…but for now I’m just reflecting on what a ride it’s been and looking forward to my next one!
In fact my next adventure will be working with my original work family that I miss dearly and was lucky to still have stayed in contact after I moved…I’m staying in FL peeps, sorry I’m not IL bound yet… but I’ve signed on to their team again and looking forward to it!!!
PEACE
Ok Listen…i don’t care who thinks they r not afraid of spiders…when you roll down your window and the Wiley bastard crawls in u might freak…but I was all like, “oh look at you little white ninja spidy, omg I almost didn’t see ya, I’m just gonna flick ya out my window and you can fly in the wind, all types of good luck guy…”
BUT NO THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED…
see what had happened was…my set up to flick him out the window must have prepared him for the incoming because the motha jumped on my damn hand…and ya know what…he is now DEAD…i slammed my hand so hard onto my car that I not only had squished spider guts and nasty spider body fluids on it but I have a bruise forming…
So much for my good luck guy attempt…pshh.
PEACE
PEACE
To think today is a day I have to say goodbye for good instead of holding out hope that we would connect again with time and space so we could meld our friendship. That our friendship would thrive to what was and in my heart still is, more like sisters that were meant to find one another when we needed each other most but parted too soon.
It saddens me that the happenings of growing up and adulting and finding our own paths made us so distant. You were never far from my thoughts and so many times I wanted to reach out but didn’t know if it would be received well or wanted since you pulled away.
GOD Angel, what happened.
WHY, how, when, who, FUCKING EXPLAIN.
You can’t.
Your soul is set free to be, your creative intelligence and humorous whit was cherished and I will miss you, I have missed you, I will FOREVER miss you.
I just don’t understand and you once thanked me for not giving up on you. I didn’t Angel, I was just waiting for ya to find YOU, your sense of self so you could be happy and strong enough to stand strong.
FUCK.
I wish we could have chatted about your recent successes and I would have been so happy for you. The last picture I see of you if the best thing I have seen from you in years, your smile reached your eyes. That genuinely happiness you so deserved and I’m glad you got that before today.
I don’t even know what to think or how to process the fact you are not present and walking this earth rooting for the Cubs, jamming to Korn and doodling in a notebook.
Cheers Angel, nod to heaven and hope you are at peace.
Love Morgana
YO!
2021 is gonna be here in a couple 2 tree hours! Its been a real shit show for most of the year but not ALL bad (I never ended up having to use the napkins I bought incase the TP ran out); hopefully some of you feel the same. My recent accident brought my year end to a dramatic flare (solo Zombie contest with the local FD & PD, I won ALL of the awards) and I’ve got a ways to go to heal but I’m grateful to have the opportunity to be able to write this little thought melody (Yeah you are welcome)!
I hope y’all find an uplifting and greater avenue to travel this next year…for serious! YOU (yes you) make change happen, it doesnt happen FOR (wah) you (damnit, I know…UGH)!
I’ve learned a lot about myself this year, especially this last month (never thought napping would get old) and plan on using that to be a driving force to do better, be better and feel better as soon as possible (ASAP seems so harsh).
Hugs to my loved ones (squeeeeze) I didnt get to see this year, fist bumps (Hey Brah) to my friends and throat punches (HARD) to the rest of ya…kidding (am I)…you know who you are…lol!
PEACE
When Grandpa passed away I thought for sure my gramma would follow soon after. I thought that a love like theirs may cause her to follow so they were never too far apart.
Alas 5 more years and she hung around to create more memories with us.
A big thanks to my Aunt who selflessly moved in with her to be her Caretaker after Grandpa and she blossomed. She always had a smile for me and I loved to hear “Is that my Morgie on the phone”.
Sunday evening she finally went to be with Grandpa, and she is at peace.
I know they were not religious and didn’t believe in all that. However my heart feels they have been reunited in the sky and she is once again enjoing how he would antagonize her; he would do it just to see her beautiful soul through laughter.
Gramma was a gem, her sense of humor, at not only my Grandpa’s antics but at her quirky self was refreshing.
She would listen and guide us and always have an open home for those who needed it. Her honesty and zest for saying how it was were appreciated. Her love of Louis Lamore, strong spirit, the OCD she passed down, weird but delicious food concoctions, comfortable silences, tequila (special treat) and always her loving care for my grandpa was epic and I looked up to their bond.
I have so many favorite memories of her and it’s hard to pick just one to share.
One memory that jumps forward is the road trip that my sister & I took to help bring them home from AZ that final time when snow birding was too much travel for them. Making sure I packed all her crafting Treasures to the ceiling in our car so she wouldn’t have to leave one single thing behind and the joy she had when we made it happen. We all laughed for 6 days straight at eachother and at lifes memories; all the while creating new ones to cherish.
In fact seeing gramma slip our waitress an extra tip after my grandpa’s fried chicken Flew off his plate and across the room, by saying “Hey You” in a loud whisper to the girl as she walked by. The waitress kindly coming over to take it from the “Crazy old lady that was trying to be stealth but failed” my Grandpa just grinned to himself knowing he wasnt supposed to “know about it”. It was the best road trip still for me to this day.
When she passed away last night I just hope she was made comfortable and that her thoughts of seeing my grandpa again gave her final peace.
Miss you lots gramma…I’ll partake in a margarita and ask for a double shot in your honor!
Love Morgie
I feel like a lot in my life is on my shoulders and after awhile people just expect it.
It would be flippin nice if the option was given instead of assumed.
It takes courage to express feelings and thoughts on subjects people keep held inside. It’s the hard shit that no one wants to acknowledge because it’s easier to look away.
I know I’m a strong ass woman and know I can handle anything thrown at me.
That doesn’t make it easier or frankly doesn’t make it right either.
Sometimes it’s the people we know and think that can handle the world that need checked on…its ok to spring a leak.
I had to remind myself in May when I had a mini break down that I’m only one person and can only handle so much and shame on those people that throw their hands up because they expected it and are lazy.
BUT most of all shame on me for enabling them to let me just take care of it.
I believe this is the year of take one day at a time and only try to handle the things you can actually control and change, not the things you have to force a change upon.
I make an effort to stop and think and hold accountable the people necessary even though I know I can do it…Damn it so can they. It’s harder to accomplish then I thought it would be.
I know these are all just words and doesnt make it easier when wearing many hats.
Just remember that at any one time even though you have 37 hats to wear, you can only have 3 in rotation…one in each hand and one on your head. The other hats will just have to stay on the hook until you’re ready.
Since May I’ve had to remind myself of this over and over again to keep me on track; If I don’t think of me then their wont be a place for any of the hats to sit.
Make yourself a priority no matter how little the time…decide that you matter too and it’s ok to just wear one hat or none at all some days.
PEACE
PEACE
I finally got home today and our power was out til 3am per our neighbor and tree limbs were down…but all is well now
I enjoyed a nap this afternoon…who knew a week of build up worry, then bunker down worry and then listening to She-Beast Irmas minions screaming around us worry…would exhaust a person…and I missed my bed so that nap was AWESOME!
There was prepping and planning evacuations, general problem solving discussions this past weekend, for sure interesting. It was great to see the network of neighbors that surround us…they are all kind and Knowledgeable and never short of lending a hand to eachother. Everyone had stories, thier calmness and different experiences through hurricanes made it easier to handle the rough moments of “shit, did I make the right decisions, are the windows gonna hold, is that make shift sand bag area gonna stop the water…if we hide in my car in the garage when the roof peels off, will we be ok”.
We were very lucky through this, there is never a 100% gauentee in anything, but especially in mother nature. This was the craziest “sport” I’ve been a part of…the game changed so often and when I thought I had a win in the bag She-Beast Irma would bring in a closer and throw me off my stats.
I want to thank everyone who prayed for us, thought about us, kept sending positive vibes to us, paid attention to my silly posts that passed the time and made us feel grounded. I want to thank everyone that is out there helping others and put their lives on the line to make sure peeps were safe.
FL has a long way to be whole again but we got this, and I’m glad my bestie and I can put a tally mark on the side of winning this time.
PEACE and LOVE y’all!
Happy Friday y’all…I was faced with a severe challenge this morning and I want to share how I persevered…I was out of creamer…WHAT DO I DO…
Do I try to go without creamer and choke down the bitter caffeine my mind body and SOUL requires to function in today’s specifically special environment? NOPE, can’t do it…
Do I try to use the white 1% liquid in my fridge disguised as Milk? NOPE, cant do it…
THINK MORGAN THINK…
Do I have time to stop at a quick mart to grab creamer? NOPE, 3rd snooze today…
UGH…this 1st world problem is a conundrum…WHAT DO I DO…
Then all of a sudden, the side of my brain that is awake enough to dress & make coffee shoots a crazy ass idea…YO Morgan, remember that Mint Cookie ice cream in the freezer…why couldn’t that me the yumminess you need to assist the other half of your brain to awaken???? HMMMM????
Alas with a sleepy smirk on my face I scoop in TWO heaping spoons of Ben&Jerry’s Mint Cookie ice cream into my travel mug and its GO TIME. I was NOT disappointed.
Coffee crisis averted and on my way…
OH AND…yes my coffee has cookie chunks in it and I’m flipping ok with it!
PEACE
Morgana 