Ever been stuck in a rutt and realize 2 years later that you were meant to experience more but you let something consume your life and it was at a standstill?
Yeah that was my bff and I. We have lived down here for 2 years now and don’t get me wrong we have had some good times. But we also failed at some of our goals, like making new friends and experiencing new and exciting things.
The bff wanted to move home a year in and it took her months to figure out that she was going to go back. Her reasons are her own. I was disappointed and in my head (maybe even out loud sometimes) judgy about why she was leaving. But I truly understood and was trying to be supportive.
I may not have got it out right.
I want my bff to be happy and if moving home does that great, but outside looking in, I could see that’s not the answer.
No matter where a person lives it’s what you make of it while you’re there. You have to make the effort and try because the easy way doesnt always work and won’t satisfy the desires and goals you have.
I have moments where I want to go back home. I miss my family and friends a lot. Some of the core friends are getting married and some are having kids soon. I want to be a part of that but my gut tells me I’m not ready yet.
I also know that I feel like I need to go home to help my mom and maybe make her life less stressful. I worry about her a lot. I know that a mothers children will always be a worry to her but at some point they grow up and become responsible humans and some of the worry goes away. I feel like mom hasn’t experienced that less worry yet because all 3 of her children, including myself, still cause her great worry. I feel like if I move home I can take some of that worry from her, maybe, hopefully.
I tried to explain this to M1, my sister. She told me I wasn’t allowed to move home unless I lived for myself and not mom or anyone else.
Somewhere along my life line I became the hub of my core group and my family. I feel responsible for them. I feel like all at the same time that if I am there for them and help them then I can also avoid working on me.
I digress…back to giving FL a try.
So for most of year 2 here I was trying to prepare myself for the bff to go home and for me to find a new roommate and if that didn’t work I was interviewing condos.
I tried not to be bitter when the bff was mentally already home and I felt she was just biding her time here. I eventually told her my thoughts and said if you want to go so bad just go and I’ll figure it out. But if you are going to be here, then be here and live in the moment. You can’t fix your happy unless you fix what you think is wrong with you.
So that convo was a bit more in depth and emotional and I’m pretty sure she was upset with me. I am known to share my opinions but with her moving back I didn’t want to guilt trip her into staying or push her away even further. I tried to be supportive, I hope it came off that way because I know I can be a bitch.
So I resigned myself that the bff was going home and we even gave it a date. I told her I needed 90 days to officially find a roommate or another condo. September was the proverbial month but we set October 1st as the day so I could start July 1st looking.
Well half way through June I was at dad’s for Padres day and he mentioned I should look for an app that sponsored roommates. I thought that was a grand idea. So indeed when I looked I found one and set it up. I wouldn’t go all official on my social media until July 1st but I was excited to see it this app would work.
A week went by and the bff said she needed to talk, I had been home with a cold so it wasn’t ideal timing she said but she needed to share her thoughts. I was like lay it on me.
She says “I don’t think I, we have given FL a fair shot”.
Huh ok this is interesting.
So we chatted and we talked about how she took a look at her reasons and evaluated more deeply why she wanted to move home and she came to the conclusion she hadn’t tried hard enough and thinks we both need to work on our goals.
I was jumping for fucking joy inside!
My bff was trying to tell me she was staying for now with further evaluation the beginning of next year.
I was trying to figure out for months how I was going to live without my bff. I know that when I moved down here I was coming without her. But when she decided to come too I was like hellyeah. But when she started talking about going back I was sad and started to realize that my bff was a big part of my life and I didn’t know what I was going to do. I would be ok but having her go sucked.
So, she and I are giving FL a fair shot. We have already started to eat healthier, we actually went to our pool in the community for the 1st time. We chatted with neighbors, some were cool and we learned some you just should wave to!
She looked for an activity we both like and signed us up for a bags league that starts in Aug. And we are building our own bags set so we can invite some neighbors over to play and BBQ.
We got this and I can’t wait to see where stepping outside our comfort zone takes us when we give the south a fair shot!